An Open Letter of Futile Efforts to Make Up For Not Being Present

Bud,

I want you to hold onto God. I keep saying this like it’s the easiest thing in the world, I know. I’m sorry. You know that all I can do right now is fall to my knees in tears and prayer. In my perspective, I honestly see a strong soldier, a daughter of the High King who has been given responsibility matching her abilities.

I will constantly and tirelessly be that channel of comfort and prayer; in whatever way I can, I will make sure you get back up on your feet. I haven’t the slightest idea why God allowed for us to meet, correspond, and ultimately become friends and accountability partners; He is a mystery, isn’t He? A year ago at that conference I never thought I’d be able to talk to anyone else apart from my own church group, but lo and behold.

And in this seemingly constant pattern of meeting new people unexpectedly, I believe that God is putting me in places I don’t understand right now, but I will soon. So far, I’ve been able to gleam new perspectives from the people I have met in the past year or two. I find that I myself become a little bit stronger when I see your life being continuously shaped by God. I get to learn new things, and see life through your eyes and through your situations, those that I have never experienced – and it’s all too humbling for me.

To be honest bud, after everything we talked about, I’m just so game and itching to help you out and just keep pushing you forward. I can never say that I understand your situation, but I do know that you weren’t put in that situation just to reach halfway. I don’t know if you pray this to God, but I do. I ask Him why all of these things happen to you. But I wouldn’t be able to understand why, anyway. He has His ways of shaping His children.

All I hope is that I don’t smother you with empty words and futile promises, because only God can do that. But I also want to refrain from overly spiritualizing every single thing we talk about, because that won’t help much either.

I’ve been thinking that if I had a car, or the resources, or the ability, etc. to get to you, I would be a much bigger help, right? Well, I feel like God is rebuking me, saying “That’s really nice and all, but you do realize those are concrete, physical, and temporary ways to alleviate the condition? I am in it for the long run, and my reward is greater than making life easier. Remember, your life wasn’t meant to be easy.” And I step back and see the truth in that. Nobody else will be able to help you get through but our Big Daddy God. No matter how bleak or dark or hopeless it seems, He has you in the palm of His hands.

I personally cannot see where this is going, but I know that breakthroughs are real, and they’re ready for you. Bud, if I’m going to be your pep-talking, cheering-on-you kind of sister in the faith, then so be it. All I pray is that I won’t be cheering empty words.

I also have realized that though I am frustrated, thinking I am unable to help, I know I am. I know that through all this, we’re both growing – probably inching our way to our spiritual level-ups. We as people, generally, are so used to seeing things for us to believe in it. But newsflash, we’re Kingdom Kids and we’re not of this world. Miracles are everyday scenarios, and moving mountains is just like eating breakfast for us. Faith will take us places, you know that.

I’m asking God for a bit more revelation on this, and maybe ask Him what’s going to happen this year. I want Him to surprise us, but I also want to at least get a favor out of Him. I’m not going to wait another year just to pray for you. We’ll see each other, God-willing.

Until next time, my strong little princess of a sister!

Love in Christ,

Niki

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